kim's diary
by hollister14
Summary: this is a story about kim and jack. you see, kim is going through a lot right now so she gets a diary f to write her feelings in. this is a true story except for som parts. the stuff she writes about is true. 100% except names 0.0. kim/jack
1. Chapter 1

**I own nothing! Js…**

_**"For you….**_

_**There will be no more crying.**_

_**For you **_

_**The sun will be shining**_

_**And I feel when I'm with you**_

_**it's alright…."**_

* * *

Kim's diary part one.

_Dear diary,_

_I guess you could say that. I only agreed to write In this thing because it was this or see a therapist. I mean I have been having a lot going on right now. So let's see where I should begin….._

_Hmmmmmmmm ok here we go:_

_Everything isn't going as planned. Life sucks and I can't due a damn thing about it._

_I like this guy. Jack Anderson…._

_Yeah, ha him and I aren't really close. I mean I'll message him on face book every once in a while, we say hi, sup, how's life, and when I need it, he'll ask me what's wrong and I will tell him. Truth be told I have known him since second grade. I have liked him off and on since then…..last year he said I had a cute butt, I couldn't help but blush. I did feel bad for two reasons, one: he had a girlfriend….._

_And two: one of my best friend's (Kelsey) had liked him. She and I got into a major fight that night._

_I really felt bad. _

_So now this year (8__th__ grade) shall be different. Kelsey moved, which I'm really sad, and he has another girlfriend, only she's in 9__th__ grade….I think. I message him first and every time we talk he always says he will give me a hug the nest time he sees me, but we never see each other. Plus when I do see him I get so nervous to talk to him. I see him smile and he looks at me I look away quickly. I want to be with him so badly. _

_When he asks me what's wrong, he won't give up until I tell him. He knows when something is up. We always make plans to talk but never do. He treats me like I'm his best friend. But to tell you the truth, I want to be more. Only grace knows I like him. I tend to tear up every time I see them together in pictured. I always think about him non-stop. It pains me to see him with her. Yet she is so nice. Why can't he notice me? And why can't life be like a movie. It never is…..and that's why I hate it._

_Life feels pointless without love. Sometimes I wonder why I can't just grow up and be with 'him' get married and have a family already. I don't want to wait for my teenage years to be over. Then I realize that once they are, there is no turning back. That, once you're grown up you're expected to do great things…..go to college and learn how to cook. Manage money and start a family._

_Speaking of family…mine's been a little off lately. I mean my mom and dad tell me that they're best friends and they always will be, but they don't feel that 'love spark anymore' whenever I hear that I think about what's the point in love….if it just fades away right after a couple of years. But then I want love. I want a boyfriend and to feel heart-broken at times._

_Right now, my heart feels broken but not in that I just got out of a relationship broken, as if my hearts been ripped out and tried to be replaced several times. It's like every time I see or hear about love, I can feel tiny pieces of my heart shatter piece by piece. _

_So world. Two stories that are the opposite. Which do I follow? How I feel about love, wanting to start a family when I get older and grow up with the person I love…._

_Or completely hate love and never try it because of my parents?_

…

As I thought about what I had wrote on the white paper filled book I called my diary,

I could feel a pair of eyes watch over me…..as if someone was watching my every move.

I shrugged off the feeling and packed up my bag trying to get out of the dojo. I shut off the lights. And locked the doors remembering Rudy telling me to lock up. Since I needed alone time, that's what he gave me.

I quickly looked behind me to find jack. He smirked as I just slightly smiled sighed and began to walk off. It didn't take long for him to notice my attitude and wonder after me. He grasped onto my waste and turned me around.

"What?" I asked a little harsh. I didn't mean to be rude or mean. I just wasn't in the best mood.

I could see him wince at my voice.

"calm down. I just wanna talk….." that was it. The moment when I felt my heart drop. What did he want to talk about?

"about…?" I said moving my hand motioning for him to continue.

"about where we stand…." He frowned. That didn't look good.

"…." I couldn't speak.

"my girlfriend thinks we have something…." He said.

I snorted, wishing that was true.

"as if….." I trailed off. He held his hand behind the back of his head.

"well….I don't know….." he smirked leaning forward.

**Sorry it was short…my hands started to cramp up. I will finish. Btw the song at the top is called songbird. It's pretty good. I do not own it. I listen to the glee cast version….i find them better at it…js….**

**Any ways. Until next time.**

**-em**


	2. the truth

_He began to lean in…_

I couldn't do it. I couldn't kiss him. Imagine how his girlfriend would feel? Especially if I was in her shoes.

I would be crushed. I quickly stepped to the side.

"Jack…I can't. It would be wrong." I said. As much as I wanted him to kiss me, I cant. Not when he has a girlfriend.

"kim, please. I have to do something." He asked with pleading eyes.

"I can't." I said rushing off to my house.

As I got home I had slight tears in my eyes. I grabbed my diary and began to write.

_Dear diary,_

_I just had the most awkward moment with Jack. He actually wanted to kiss me…ok so enough about that drama. I am here to talk about my real life problems. Before I met up with jack, I went to the mall with my friend Grace. Her cousin came along to. I love her cousin but whenever, all three of us hang out, I am always the third wheel. I remember going into a new store called "garage". It seemed cool. But the thing is…..as we went in, everytime I would go up to them, they would walk away. I knew they didn't do it on purpose. It just hurt. So I gave up. That when No Idea, By Big Time Rush came on. I thought it was a good song at first, that when the words hit me were it really hurt._

**_"But the truth is_**

**_She has no idea, no idea_**

**_That I'm even here_**

**_That I'm even here_**

**_She has no idea, no idea_**

**_I'm standing here_**

**_I'm standing here"_**

_They sang. I felt my eyes water. I couldn't take it. I wanted to run out of the store. I looked over because I felt a pair of eyes on me. It was the store clerk. She had sympathy in her eyes. I could tell because she was watching the whole thing. I wanted to burst out crying. I was left out, all alone in a store more than 200 miles away from Seaford. The clerk came over to me and asked if I was okay. I nodded and wiped away a tear. The rest of the day with Grace was fun though. I wanted to let that moment go. But she kept asking me why I didn't talk when I was with her and her cousin. I made up a lie saying it was because I had a head ache because of the gloomy weather. After we got back home, I met up with jack and that's when he told me his girlfriend thought him and I "had something". He said him and I might then tried kissing me! I pulled away from him and just ran. I couldn't take it. I wouldn't do that. He's just a player. And the worst part is I fell for him, hard. _

_So now I'm alone. Sometimes I am both physically and mentally. I always have grace, but everyone loves her at school. I always have to fight to be able to hug her. She will joke with me, it hurts I know she is just kidding, but it still hurts. Every time she makes a joke saying she hates me or that I'm a bitch, it hurts. She and jerry will make fun of me. I love them to death and I know they kid, but it still hurts. I act like I don't care, but inside I'm crying really hard. I almost do on the outside, but on the inside, I'm dying. Ever once and a while I cry myself to sleep on how much I feel. About jack, how I feel like a third wheel sometimes with Madison, and how much of a loser I really think I am._

_So that's all for now….bye I guess._

I finished writing in my diary and wiped away a tear. I hear a knock at my door so I answer it.

"kim" I looked up to see jack.

He wiped away my tear and asked to come in. I said sure.

"kim I love you." I looked up at him and his eye. He was telling the truth. He had to be. I knew when he lied. He stutters alittle but you really have to listen to his voice to be able to hear it.

"but you barely know me jack" I said knowing I would regret it later.

"I know everything. Your middle name is lynn. You bite your lip when you're nervous. Your birthday is October 15,1998. You love to do karate and dance. I know your favorite color is purple and you only like orange and blue on occasions. I see you walk by my advisory every morning. Sometimes I stare at you at lunch. You stare too. I know you are lactose and tolerant, and can't sing worth crap, but you still try. I see you dance in gym with your best friend grace. Kim I could keep going but it would take forever. I guess what I am trying to say is….I know we never talk, but I have known you since second grade. I ask about you all the time. And I know all these things because of when we were little. You told me. I still remember because you are too hard to forget about. I only dated all those girls to stop thinking about you. I knew you would never like me back. But then you told me you did. I love you kim. Will you go out with me?"

I just stood there. Still not moving and barely breathing. He knew me. He _really_ knew me. I was about to say yes until I hear someone step out from the shadows that live inside my house.

The person was clapping.

"very good, very good Jackson. I see you like kimmy here. I bet she would love to know your secret now wouldn't she.

**hehe bye for now :pp**


	3. One of the ex's

I just stood there. Still not moving and barely breathing. He knew me. He _really_ knew me. I was about to say yes until I hear someone step out from the shadows that live inside my house.

The person was clapping.

"very good, very good Jackson. I see you like kimmy here. I bet she would love to know your secret now wouldn't she."

"Lindsey?" Jack questioned as the figure stepped pout of the shadows.

"How did you get in here? And what are you doing here?" I asked.

"You really should lock your windows Kimmy. And I followed Jack here after he broke up with Donna. He told her that he was in "love" with someone else. I wanted to know who. Though I did have a hunch it was you Crawfish." She smirked. My eyes widened.

"Now that, that's cleared up, why don't you tell her your secret." Lindsey said. I looked at Jack. His eyes wouldn't make contact with mine. They seemed to be glued to the floor.

"Lindsey just leave okay? Please!" I cried. She did as she was told and left. I sat on my bed and looked at Jack. He looked so guilty.

"Hey, look at me." I told him as I got up and stood next to him.

"You don't need to tell me anything okay? Not unless you're ready." I said rubbing circles on his back.

"You know, you're an amazing girl." He smiled.

"And you're an amazing guy." I smiled back.

"Hey Kim, will you be my girlfriend?" He asked.

"Yes." I said smiling and biting my lip. He pulled me into a big hug.

"Alright then." He said still smiling bright.

"Um, my parents are going to be home any minute now." I said sadly.

"Oh right, I guess I better be going then." He said pulling me into a hug.

"Right, I'll see you tomorrow at school?" i asked hopefully.

"Of course you will." He said walking out the door. I shut it slowly and slid to the floor smiling. I quickly got up and searched my pillows for my diary. I finally found it under one of them. I grabbed it and flipped to a new page. I grabbed a pen from my desk and sat on the floor next to my bed. I began writing another entry.

_Dear Diary,_

_I know I have already written my entry for the day, but I just couldn't wait to write this! Guess who just became the girlfriend of the guy she's loved for ages...Me! That's right! Apparently he broke up with his girlfriend for me! Life is just so great. Oh well, just thought I write that. Better get to bed. Can't wait to see me boyfriend. Ehhhh! I just love saying-well writing that!_

__After writing I couldn't help but yawn.

**So sorry it's short! please review.**


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